Gender Lifestyle

Eight Thousand Nerve Endings, Baby!

Written by Abena Fosu

“Wait, you had sex with him on a first date?”

“You let him kiss you the first time you met?”

“Now he won’t respect you, he’ll think you’re cheap and won’t take you seriously     ”

“Why are you wearing such provocative clothes, people can almost see your ass and entire boobs. You need to cover up…”

“A lady doesn’t talk openly about sex”

“You should be a saint outdoors and a whore in the bedroom…”



People, calm down! This isn’t the stone age! Damn!  Okay, I’ve calmed down too, phew! Now, let’s talk about society’s obsession with women’s sexuality.

Unless you’re a stranger in Jerusalem, it’s no secret that majority of women perceive sex as something that’s done to them and not with or for them. This stems from years of systemic conditioning that men are naturally sexual beings whereas women are modest and prude. We spend our developing years protecting our “purity”, living up to society’s idea of a ‘virtuous’ woman. Once we become sexually active, we know so little about our own sexuality that we basically have sex for the pleasure of men – this is me, a heterosexual woman writing about the heteropatriarchal realities.

In reality, women are naturally more prone to sexual arousal than men. The tip, and I mean just the tip of a woman’s clitoris has a whopping EIGHT THOUSAND nerve endings! It’s the only part of the human body that exists purely and solely for pleasure, and only us women possess it. Us only sisters, us only! Well, intersex people do too but let’s not digress. I will tell you more about this majestic glorious powerhouse of pleasure in another article but for now, let’s focus on what possessing it means. You see men only have half what we have; the penis has four thousand nerve endings and it doubles as a urinary canal so I mean it really doesn’t compare.

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The question then is, if women naturally have such high sexual tendencies, why do we perceive men as more sexual? It’s patriarchal indoctrination, people! Patriarchy thrives on putting power in the hands of men. Be it moral, financial, political or cultural, this system ensures men have the power. So from early ages ago, patriarchy in union with religion taught women that our sexuality is shameful, abominable and immoral. Our clitorises were severed, our breasts were ironed, we were mentally conditioned to think ourselves less sexual. This, unfortunately, has been passed on from generation to generation and that’s what we see today.

Taming women sexually gave men the power to control women. They control what we wear, who we marry or have sex with, how we wear our hair and accessorize, because you know, you don’t want to be that woman; that “whore”, I tell you this: this issue is political. It is systemic and deliberate. An entire society effortlessly designed and executed this to put women in a subservient position for the benefit of men.

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Now, this is the good news alright? The current generation of women are challenging the norms around women’s sexualities. We are liberating ourselves sexually and taking back our power. Somebody shout “Hallelujah!” Okay, that’s too much but you know what I mean. Maybe there should be a power word for women’s sexual liberation power chant? Not a bad idea at all (thinking mode activated)

So, with an even bigger audacity than that of patriarchy, let me tell you this: as a woman, especially an African woman, you’re a totally and completely over the top sexual being.  It’s a revolution and generations of women unborn need you to live it! Embody it! It’s a revolution and we need you to be a part of it. Wear whatever you want to wear, show thighs and cleavage if you want to. When you have sex, make sure you prioritize your pleasure. If it ain’t amusing your clitoris or g-spot, DO NOT do it. View sex as something that’s done WITH you and not TO you. Touch yourself, explore your body. I’m saying you should masturbate. And oh, for the love of everything you hold dear, do not fake orgasms because sis! You’ve got eight thousand nerve endings that aren’t difficult to please. Eight thousand baby!

About the author

Abena Fosu

Abena Benewaa Fosu is a transfinancial Feminist Activist with particular interest in women's sexual pleasure, bodily rights, queer rights, sexual and reproductive health, economic liberation and political participation.
Benewaa is a lover of all things glamorous, nice and classy; a bougie rich girl in transit.
She's a writer with a masters degree in Journalism, a gender development worker with a focus on rural women and girls and an ardent believer in the idea that women and girls can and should aspire to have it all.
When she's not working, you'd find her reading, thinking up creative project ideas, researching leisure places to visit (mostly places way above her budget because well...a girl can dream right?), talking about sex, dancing (rather horribly), relaxing at the beach or staying in bed doing absolutely nothing.
She envisages and works towards a world where women can be anything and everything they want without judgement or discrimination. A world where patriarchy is only a once upon a time in history state of affairs.


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